Resistance and Bothersome Things

Where do I begin...

Ok, how about beginning with what bothers me.

 Three days ago I went to my coordinator's office to hand in grades and while I was getting my sheets ready two ex-students of mine walked in and one of them told me that he was going to talk about doing level 4 ( the level I teach). They both went in with the coordinator and I overheard her tell them that Teacher Robbie would be teaching the course, that it would be two and a half hours a day instead of five, and that it would be four weeks long. This would take place in January. That bothered me. I felt jealousy pangs, strong ones. After the students left I went into her office and asked her about teaching a course during January and she told me she had nothing for me. =( More pangs... She mentioned I should stay in Tepatitlan with my son and enjoy my granddaughter. I answered that I wanted to come back with my daughter because I felt antsy and that I wanted to be making money. (There goes my fear of not having enough...ugh!)

This happens to me often. I get jealous. I want to be taken into account. I want to be considered the best teacher. I want to be asked to teach the extra courses. I want to be acknowledged. All of this, I am sure, is part of my ego, and fine, I accept it. But it does bother me to feel this. I should know better who I am. Do I really need all this recognition? Definitely not.

I left my coordinator's office feeling so miserable that I stopped to buy groceries and my mind was going over what had happened at school that I left a bag with a lettuce and sour cream in the market cart. I got home, noticed what I had done and went back to the store, feeling even worse. =( I came back home and talked to myself about the benefits of not working during January. I reminded myself that I have been making so many plans to start working on the things I like to do. I finally convinced myself, but there were slight feelings of dissatisfaction. Why dissatisfaction? I'm sure I created this, so why not be grateful?

Feeling pain in my legs and looking at the purple marks I have on them bothers me too. I have felt a great deal of resistance with this situation. I want my pretty legs back and I get frustrated because there are days I see them very purple and I get totally disappointed.

It bothers me that I might start gaining the weight that I have already lost. Oh, that really bothers me! I feel a great resistance because there are so many aches and pains in my body! Every time I run out of money, it bothers me. Sometimes, not having my way bothers me too (this is really improving).

To regain balance in every area of my life I should accept every creation of mine, be it good or bad. I should be grateful because there is order in my life and every creation is here to help me and teach me. I am exactly where I am suppose to be. My body is just beautiful and everything it is portraying is part of me. I know for sure that I am a great creator and that I only need to have patience and allow my good to appear. It will, there is no doubt about it. So my dear self, everything is great, everything is wonderful, life is beautiful and you are completely loved! Yay!!! =)