Who to Blame?

Some time ago I was feeling desperate. I did not know what was happening in my life. I needed a scapegoat. I needed to blame someone or something. My head was a myriad of feelings and not very positive ideas. First I blamed LIFE ! I felt it was against me. It was a difficult life, my struggles, my unanswered prayers, everything about LIFE seemed to be going in the opposite direction. As I sat brooding over this one day, I realized that LIFE was my friend. LIFE had brought me here to this place and this time and I needed to permit myself to acknowledge and accept it. Above all be as thankful as possible. Every day, every moment, every minute, every second I had to thank LIFE because it had given me the opportunity to be here. Then I started to blame DESTINY. I kept thinking that if it weren't for DESTINY and its bizarre way of bringing an outcome into my life, everything would be perfect. As I kept those thoughts in my mind, it occurred to me that DESTINY was on my side too. If it had not been for DESTINY I would not have met you. You my dear friend, you my mentor, you my support, you my greatest Love. I would not have had those wonderful moments that I now cherish, those memories that make up what my life is today. To hold in my heart the look in your eyes, your laughter, your smile, your essence, for sure I could not ask for more. Then as stubborn as I am I said to myself that it must be TIME that was ruining everything. TIME was making it impossible for me. I kept telling myself that maybe it was not the right TIME for us. That maybe you would not want me. How much more TIME did I have to wait? How much TIME did you need to realize if you wanted me? Fortunately I realized that if it had not been for TIME, even though with you it was short, I would not have come to believe that True Love exists. I would not have learned to live that moment in TIME without waiting for something more...your love made it complete. Again my mind kept looking for who or what to blame. I could definitely blame LOVE.It seemed to me that everyone was living their greatest LOVE and I wasn't. Once again I said to myself that LOVE was the culprit. LOVE was holding itself back from me. How could I be so naive? If LOVE had been holding itself back from me, I would not have felt what I felt for you my dear friend. That warm and beautiful feeling that travels from head to toe and leaves you speechless, dumbstruck, in awe, and completely smitten. Who else could I blame then but YOU? Yes, it was YOU who I had to blame. YOU had left me, had just disappeared without an explanation, a word of comfort. YOU had brought so much pain into my life. YOU did not give us an opportunity. YOU did not want me anymore... Oh, but I could not blame YOU. YOU brought laughter into my life, comforted me when I was sad, gave me a shoulder to cry, played with me, and pampered me when I needed it. I know I had seen a sparkle in your eyes when you looked at me. I know for sure that there was love in your heart for me. Yes, my heart was broken when YOU left, but the sadness can not be compared to the joy you brought into my live, even if it was short-lived. There is only one person to blame then. That person is ME. I wanted to love you. I wanted you to love me. I wanted you with me. I wanted to share everything with you. I could not live without you. I wanted you forever... MY LOVE, YOU KNOW WHAT? I STILL DO... BLANCA JULIA